A Love that Multiplies by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

I mentioned in my pregnancy update post the other day that I just finished reading "A Love that Multiplies" by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. I've always been a fan of the Duggar family and love watching their show on TLC. I'm not trying to idolize them or put them up on a pedestal, but rather just share my thoughts about the book and their family in general. I realize they are just people and sinners just like you and me. But I'm thankful they live a life in service to God and in proclamation that they are sinners saved by grace. Psalm 107:2 comes to mind, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so." 

I have always been in awe of how loving, tender, and gracious they seem to be on the show. As with any "reality" show, you wonder what really goes on behind the camera. I've heard many people doubt that the family is really like that, but rather they are just really good putting on a show. I've never bought into that thought and I am even more convinced after reading the book. As I was reading the book, I felt like I was getting a closer look into their family and having a good conversation with Jim Bob and Michelle. I truly believe they strive to show the love of Christ in their home and in their daily life. There's no doubt they fall short and human nature gets the best of them. In fact, Michelle very candidly opens up about some of those experiences in the book. But she didn't just share those moments and move on. She shared deep, life-changing lessons she has learned from those moments. It is truly encouraging to watch a family show such love to one another versus much of the "normal" families depicted on television. I would rather watch a family showing the love to one another and have possible doubts than to watch a family constantly fighting and know that it's probably reality.

One of the most convicting parts of reading the book was Michelle's section on parenting. Again, it has always amazed me on the show how quietly and calmly she speaks to her children. Even when she is correcting them or teaching an important lesson, she speaks in such a calm manner. In the book, she writes about her decision to parent in this way. Proverbs 15:1 is her reasoning: "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger." What a convicting thought! Is yelling the correct response to handling your child's misbehavior? If you think about it, yelling is usually the result of letting emotions take over reasoning. If you're yelling, you're more than likely not using good reasoning. It definitely isn't showing the love of Christ to your child. And your child probably can't even understand or fully comprehend what you're telling them because you're yelling. (Just a side note: I realize I have absolutely NO experience in parenting, so I have little credibility. I'm not trying to say what I think is the right way to do things. I'm just sharing my thought process and my reactions to what someone I consider an expert has to say.)

Mrs. Duggar shared several experiences when her children misbehaved and she reacted by yelling or getting upset. In the end, she realized her reaction was just as wrong as what the children did and she wasn't able to effectively get the point across. She realized the point to disciplining children isn't to prove that you are in control as the parent. The point to disciplining is to teach your children that they need to obey their parents even when they don't understand or agree. They need to learn to trust their parents because they have wisdom about situations that come with being a parent. That wisdom might regard safety or morality. Mrs. Duggar shared that her goal in disciplining her children with a soft and calm response is for them to realize they are being disobedient, give correction and reasoning for what they should have done, and affirm that they are being disciplined out of love.

Another aspect of the Duggar family that I have always admired is their approach to homeschooling. They have a hands-on approach to teaching their children. They value the learning that comes from real life experiences and teaching in the moment. Of course, they do have more "formal" aspects to their education that involves textbooks, computer tutorials, and organized curriculum. But the kids are encouraged to take learning into their own hands and find lessons in daily life. One of my favorite stories from their book was about their oldest son, Josh. When he was about 12 years old he earned a reward for doing something good (I can't remember if it was chores or what, but it doesn't make much difference). As a reward, he was given the option of receiving $20 or an old, rundown truck his dad had. He picked the truck. Over the years, he learned how to make repairs on the truck, worked to buy new parts, and made the truck usable again. By the time he turned 16, he had a truck to drive. I just love that! That experience then developed into him working on cars and now he owns his own used car lot. Talk about preparing a child for the future when they're young! Jim Bob and Michelle aim to prepare their children for adulthood. They encourage and focus on helping the boys work toward a career that will allow them to provide for a family. The girls are encouraged to learn skills to be wives, mothers, and helpmeets. This doesn't mean that they're stuck in the house learning to cook, do laundry, and wash dishes. They do learn those skills at a young age, but there are so many other ways they can learn helpful skills. A couple of the girls are involved in the volunteer fire and rescue service. They are studying to be midwives. They are in school for music education. Their heart is toward serving God and being wives and mothers. They aren't focused on having lucrative careers. That is something I admire greatly.

I could go on an on, but I would rather you just read the book for yourself. Again, please understand that I am not trying to idolize or put this family on a pedestal. I am sure there are many other families who live such a great example. And I even know some. I guess my point is to share that I am encouraged by this family's willingness to live a public life in service to the Lord. I feel like their testimony is inspiring to many. Sure there are doubters and critics, but isn't that what we're guaranteed as Christians? Do I think every Christian family should publicize their life? No. Honestly, I don't know that most family could do it in such an humble and honest way. I think the Duggars are able.

The bottom line is: live your life as a child of God so that others don't have reason to doubt, show the love of Christ, and go read about the Duggars.

Book Review - "Pushed" and a rant about childbirth

***Disclaimer: This post is in no way making an announcement or hinting at anything. It's just simply me sharing my thoughts and opinions with you. When I become interested in something, I enjoy reading and learning as much as I can on the topic. So, the only announcement I have to make is that I hope and pray this information will be useful to me at some point in the near future. :)

Ironing is a task that can be dreadful, but also enjoyable. The only reason I enjoy it is because it gives me a good excuse to watch TV for 2 or 3 hours straight. A few weeks ago, I had a major mound of ironing needing my attention. There wasn't anything interesting on TV at the time, so I turned to Netflix. I found the documentary, The Business of Being Born, and selected it for my ironing entertainment. I was thoroughly fascinated! The documentary was produced by Ricki Lake. I was surprised to find out she is very much an advocate for natural birth. The documentary looks at modern maternity care; the pros and cons of hospital births, natural births, birthing centers, and home births. It is a bit graphic at points, but incredibly interesting.

Natural birth has always been fascinating to me and I am a big advocate. After watching this documentary, I was even more interested in learning about modern maternity care and strengthening my personal argument for natural birth. I was at the library picking up Inconceivable when I noticed another book next to it on the shelf. Pushed: The Painful Truth about Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care grabbed my attention. At first glance inside the book, I was a little intimidated. I noticed a lot of numbers and statistics. However, once I got started, it was hard to put down. (I know I'm odd for enjoying a book about childbirth when there's not even a hint of necessity. But, that's how I roll).

I enjoyed reading about the history of childbirth and maternity care. It is amazing to think that women were once put into a "twilight sleep" to birth their babies or restrained at the wrists and ankles during labor. Can you imagine!?!?! The author, Jennifer Block, did a great job writing about the progression of intervention used in hospitals and the varying practices doctors use in maternity care.

The author focused a lot on the sad truth that most women are not given many options when considering childbirth. Today's norm is for a woman to go to a hospital, be given Pitocin if labor is progressing as the doctor would like, get an epidural to deal with the pain, be hooked up to all kinds of machines, stay on her back for the duration of labor and delivery. And if all that doesn't flow just as the doctor would like, she is wheeled in for a cesarean section. A woman is often looked strangely or questioned if she expresses interest in anything but this plan. Natural childbirth is often frowned upon, let alone using a midwife in a birthing center. The real kicker is if a woman wants to give birth at home! How dare she!

Now, I'm not here to pass judgement or put other women down. If a woman wants to have an epidural or even schedule a c-section, then go for it! Just don't judge me if I want to do it differently. It boggles my mind to think that it has become so controversial for a woman to want to give birth the way women have for hundreds of years! Why is something "natural" frowned upon? In my opinion, the answer can be summed up in two words: money and liability. Doctors and hospitals are in business and they're scared of being sued. I don't blame them, but that doesn't mean it's right.

I am a supporter of midwives, birthing centers, and home births. I'm not ashamed to say it. One statistic the author gave in Pushed was especially interesting to me. There are only 175 independent birthing centers in all of the United States. In 12 states, there are no birthing centers at all. In 11 states, midwifery is illegal. (Pushed, p. 179) This information is astounding to me. I'm thankful to live in a state where there are still a few birthing centers and even more thankful there is one close to us!

Women should be able to have a choice in how they want to labor and where and how they want to deliver their baby. If a woman wants to schedule a c-section, then she should have that right. But, why is it considered acceptable (and sometimes encouraged) for a woman to schedule a c-section, but not acceptable for a woman to have her baby at home? If a woman can choose to take birth control, kill her baby by abortion, or be cut open to remove her baby, then she should have the right to choose to have a baby at home. Unfortunately, most of society doesn't agree. Did you know that there have been instances where women who have had home births were turned in to social services? That is absolutely ridiculous! There have also been instances where doctors felt that a woman was putting her baby in danger by choosing to have a home birth or refusing a c-section (when the baby was showing NO signs of distress) and the doctors performed a court-ordered cesarean. A court-ordered cesarean! The thought makes my stomach turn!
I understand that the two examples I just gave are extremes, but they are still happening. Such tragedy has occurred within the past 15 years.

I understand that are circumstances that make it difficult or even impossible for a woman to give birth naturally. C-sections are necessary in certain situations. However, I strongly believe that most of the c-sections performed are done so unnecessarily or could be prevented. I'm not going to tell anyone what they can or can't do. I just encourage women to educate themselves and know their facts. Reading this book gave me a lot of insight as to questions I need to ask when I am seeking an obstetrician or midwife. I am thankful for the knowledge I gained. I am thankful women like Jennifer Block are willing to do their research and confront issues such as this.

Since reading this book, I have come across a few websites that have been especially interesting and speak to this issue. Childbirth Connection is a site mentioned several times in Pushed. It contains a wealth of information regarding maternity care and childbirth. Several of the statistics and studies referenced in Pushed can be found on this site.

One last piece of information and I'll get off my soapbox. There was a study published in 2005 by Johnson and Daviss titled "Outcomes of Planned Home Births." The study looked at 5000 planned home births attended by CPW (certified professional midwives). 95% of the women gave birth vaginally and all of the babies were born healthy. (Pushed, p. 264) That says a lot for the support of midwives, natural birth, and home births.

Book Review - "Inconceivable"

From the synopsis on the back of the book:

"When Carolyn and Sean Savage learned in February 2009 that their fertility doctor had transferred the wrong embryos into Carolyn's body and she was now pregnant with another couple's child, they embarked on a journey unlike any other. Inconceivable is a riveting story of sacrifice, love, and the meaning of motherhood."

I just finished reading this fascinating and heart-wrenching book. The story of Carolyn and Sean Savage is remarkable and unimaginable. The idea of conceiving, carrying, and delivering a child to whom you have no legal rights, yet do so with as much love and nurture as if it is your own, is beyond comprehension. I found myself riding the journey with this couple as they passionately wrote of the emotions experienced throughout the pregnancy and months following the birth.

My mind was forced to entertain the question of motherhood and what exactly it means to be a mother. Is not a woman who loves, nurtures, and carries a child in her womb for nine months, yet is forced to give that child up, still a mother? What about a woman who is chosen to be a surrogate for another couple? What about a woman who dumps her newborn in a trashcan because she doesn't want to face the responsibility? Or the woman who shakes her child to death because his crying is too much for her to handle?

The title of the book, Inconceivable, holds a bit of a double meaning. The authors, Carolyn and Sean Savage, struggled with fertility. They were blessed to conceive two children naturally before choosing to turn to infertility treatments to expand their family. Through several IVF treatments, the couple experienced three miscarriages before successfully conceiving their daughter. After the traumatic birth of their daughter, the couple wanted to try IVF with their remaining embryos. That attempt led to Carolyn being pregnant with another couple's child. Inconceivable also describes the magnitude of this medical mistake and the choices the couple were forced to make as a result.

It is impossible to read this book and not feel overcome with emotions. The depth of strength, sacrifice, and forgiveness this couple displayed is inspiring. On their website for the book, Sean and Carolyn write a blog about their story and document their life after the book.

Book Review - "Grace for the Good Girl"

I had read about this book on several Christian blogs I stalk and was excited to add it to my list for this year. To be honest, I am completely enamored with book covers. I love the art of a beautiful book cover. If the cover captures my attention and the title sounds interesting, I will usually read it. I don't like to read the little summaries on the back of books, or read very much detail about the book. I like the suspense and mystery hidden inside the pages.

This is the description from Amazon:
"Many of us believe that we are saved by grace--but for too many, that's the last time grace defines our life. Instead of clinging to grace, we strive for good and believe that the Christian life means hard work and a sweet disposition. As good girls, we focus on the things we can handle, our disciplined lives, and our unshakable good moods. When we fail to measure up to our own impossible standards, we hide behind our good girl masks, determined to keep our weakness a secret.

In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman invites women to let go of the try-hard life and realize that in Christ we are free to receive from him rather than constantly try to achieve for him. With an open hand and a whimsical style, Emily uncovers the truth about the hiding, encouraging women to move from hiding behind girl-made masks and do-good performances to a life hidden with Christ in God."
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Even though I was quick to add "Grace for the Good Girl" to my reading list, I was a little apprehensive. I don't like typical self-help books or books that give you a list of 10 steps to fix a problem, most of those steps eluding to "finding the power within you." Blah blah blah. This book was nothing like that. It addressed a real issue many women (and I'm sure some men) face day to day and turn to the Bible for the solution to deal with the issue.

Without giving too much of the book away, I will give my brief summary. The author, Emily Freeman, addresses the issue of living life with masks on. Masks of strength, responsibility, happiness used to hide the true emotions brought on by the events of life. It is alright and natural to have emotions and reactions to life. Freeman gives encouragement to choose if we are going to deal with those emotions by putting on masks or trust God and let His peace rule in our hearts. We are not to let ourselves sin with our emotions, but find the balance in acknowledging them and relying on God's peace to properly handle them.

This book was extremely easy to read. Freeman has a beautiful way with words. She turned to Scripture constantly and was able to describe God's Word in a way that was real and applicable to me. Granted, not every explanation and use of the Word was accurate and true, but most was.

As I was reading, I wrote down several passages which spoke to me in a powerful way. I want to share a few with you.

"If what I do is done in complete dependence upon the Father, then it doesn't matter what that thing is, rather who the one is doing that thing. Is it me? Or is it him? Colossians says that by faith, it is beautifully and mysteriously both. (Col. 1:29) Who am I to decide what is extraordinary? The Father has already decided. He says he himself is extraordinary. So anything I do as I depend on and partner with the Extraordinary One, I suppose that is extraordinary too." - Grace for the Good Girl, p. 61

"Quiet time is no longer something I do. Rather, it is a description of what happens when I am with God. Time can be a loud, chaotic, rushing-around companion. But as I sit in the presence of God, he quiets my time. No that I know what the truth is, I long to allow space for my soul and spirit to begin to believe it." - Grace for the Good Girl, p. 149

"When my patience is gone, he offers to be patience for me. When my strength is spent, he becomes strength in me. When my faith is small, he believes on my behalf. Every time." - Grace for the Good Girl, p. 215

Book Review - Same Kind of Different As Me

Synopsis from official website:

"It begins outside a burning plantation hut in Louisiana... and an East Texas honky-tonk... and, without a doubt, in the heart of God. It unfolds in a Hollywood hacienda... an upscale New York Gallery... a downtown dumpster... a Texas ranch. Gritty with pain and betrayal and brutality, it also shines with an unexpected, life-changing love."

My Thoughts:

I could go on and on about this book, but I will try to keep my thoughts short.

This book is wonderfully inspiring and moving. I've read a lot of books that have convicted me, caused me to spend much time in deep thought, or brought tears to my eyes. Same Kind of Different as Me had such an effect, but to a greater degree than any book before. What a wonderful story of love, grace, mercy, and God's mysterious ways. My heart was touched by the testimony of committing a marriage to the Lord. I was convicted by the example of love and grace shown to someone the world would see as unworthy. Tears filled my eyes as I read of the struggles of life overcome by the unfailing mercy shown by our Lord. The best part about the book? It's a true story. Unlike novels I've read before which have left me speechless, I know that this isn't just a made-up story to please readers. It's real. The fact that it is a true story broke my heart at times while reading, yet filled me with comfort and joy at other times.

Written by two men from polar opposite backgrounds, Same Kind of Different as Me is a unique read. I loved the contrasting language and manner of writing between Ron Hall and Denver Moore. Both men were able to write in such a way that I felt as if I were in the story. I could see the cotton fields and feel the loneliness of Denver's homeless life. I could feel the pain and despair of Ron going through losing his best friend. I laughed, cried, and lifted up praise right along with the storytellers.

Please do yourself a favor and read this book. You will not be disappointed. Then when you're finished, recommend it to a friend. Spread the news of abounding grace, unconditional love, and unfailing mercy.

Book Review - Change of Heart

Synopsis from Jodi Picoult's official website:

"Shay Bourne - New Hampshire’s first death row prisoner in 69 years – has only one last request: to donate his heart post-execution to the sister of his victim, who is looking for a transplant. Bourne says it’s the only way he can redeem himself…but with lethal injection as his form of execution, this is medically impossible."

My thoughts:

I enjoy reading some of Jodi Picoult's work, simply because she usually has an interesting spin on a controversial subject. This was the second book of hers that I've read this year. The first being, House Rules. That being said, what I don't enjoy about her writing is the amount of foul language and some inappropriate content. Change of Heart was no exception in that regard.

Change of Heart was also an interesting read for me, because religion is a main focus. Without giving too many details away, Picoult explores the idea of how "religion" is defined and who is the authority to say if someone is right or wrong in what they believe. I felt that she got a little blasphemous at certain times, which made me uncomfortable. Judaism, Atheism, Gnosticism, Catholicism, and mainline Christian philosophies are each addressed in the book.

Overall, Change of Heart was an interesting read. I'm still deciding whether I enjoyed it, but I'm glad I read it. There are certainly a lot of twists and turns throughout the book and the ending holds a wonderful lesson in forgiveness. But, like I said, I found myself with an uneasy feeling several times throughout the book.

Just a few of my thoughts about one of my latest reads...