Memories

It's been 6 months since Chris' great grandmother, Grandma, passed away and nearly a year since she moved from our home to a nursing facility in Texas. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Just this morning I was baking cookies and put them in a container that was once hers. Our home is filled with her belongings. Her cookie jar, her sugar dish, the coffee cups she liked to use, her old sewing box. I enjoy seeing these items day to day and have those memories of her. While our time taking care of her was often difficult, I was blessed by her. I'm thankful to be able to remember the good times and the hard times have become distant memories.

We have an annual meeting this weekend. It was during this meeting last year that Chris and I strongly felt our time taking care of her was coming to an end. Her dementia had gotten to the point where she lived most of her days as a child waiting to go to school or waiting for her Daddy to come home. When she couldn't go to school or couldn't get up to go find her Daddy, she got very agitated and hard to control. She couldn't walk well and she wasn't sleeping well. During this meeting last year, she went 36 hours without sleeping, which only made her dementia and agitation worse. I was trying to keep a houseful of company, prepare food for church, enjoy the meeting, and take care of her. It was exhausting and extremely trying. (I was also pregnant, which we didn't know at the time, but certainly added to the exhaustion.) I spent most of the weekend in tears. Tears of frustration that she couldn't understand that she wasn't going to school, tears of anger at the disease of dementia, tears of selfishness that I couldn't enjoy the blessing of a church meeting, and tears of defeat in admitting that I could no longer care for Grandma. I'm not one to give up easily and I didn't want to throw in the towel just because I thought it was getting too difficult. Thankfully, the Lord's plans are far above ours and He blessed us with the perfect answer just a week later when we found out we were expecting.

I try to tell Evelyn about her great great grandmother and I look forward to many more years of being able to share stories with her. What I would give for just one picture of Evelyn and Grandma together. My hope is that Evelyn would grow up to know Grandma through our stories and she can feel as if she knew her in this world.

A Love that Multiplies by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

I mentioned in my pregnancy update post the other day that I just finished reading "A Love that Multiplies" by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. I've always been a fan of the Duggar family and love watching their show on TLC. I'm not trying to idolize them or put them up on a pedestal, but rather just share my thoughts about the book and their family in general. I realize they are just people and sinners just like you and me. But I'm thankful they live a life in service to God and in proclamation that they are sinners saved by grace. Psalm 107:2 comes to mind, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so." 

I have always been in awe of how loving, tender, and gracious they seem to be on the show. As with any "reality" show, you wonder what really goes on behind the camera. I've heard many people doubt that the family is really like that, but rather they are just really good putting on a show. I've never bought into that thought and I am even more convinced after reading the book. As I was reading the book, I felt like I was getting a closer look into their family and having a good conversation with Jim Bob and Michelle. I truly believe they strive to show the love of Christ in their home and in their daily life. There's no doubt they fall short and human nature gets the best of them. In fact, Michelle very candidly opens up about some of those experiences in the book. But she didn't just share those moments and move on. She shared deep, life-changing lessons she has learned from those moments. It is truly encouraging to watch a family show such love to one another versus much of the "normal" families depicted on television. I would rather watch a family showing the love to one another and have possible doubts than to watch a family constantly fighting and know that it's probably reality.

One of the most convicting parts of reading the book was Michelle's section on parenting. Again, it has always amazed me on the show how quietly and calmly she speaks to her children. Even when she is correcting them or teaching an important lesson, she speaks in such a calm manner. In the book, she writes about her decision to parent in this way. Proverbs 15:1 is her reasoning: "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger." What a convicting thought! Is yelling the correct response to handling your child's misbehavior? If you think about it, yelling is usually the result of letting emotions take over reasoning. If you're yelling, you're more than likely not using good reasoning. It definitely isn't showing the love of Christ to your child. And your child probably can't even understand or fully comprehend what you're telling them because you're yelling. (Just a side note: I realize I have absolutely NO experience in parenting, so I have little credibility. I'm not trying to say what I think is the right way to do things. I'm just sharing my thought process and my reactions to what someone I consider an expert has to say.)

Mrs. Duggar shared several experiences when her children misbehaved and she reacted by yelling or getting upset. In the end, she realized her reaction was just as wrong as what the children did and she wasn't able to effectively get the point across. She realized the point to disciplining children isn't to prove that you are in control as the parent. The point to disciplining is to teach your children that they need to obey their parents even when they don't understand or agree. They need to learn to trust their parents because they have wisdom about situations that come with being a parent. That wisdom might regard safety or morality. Mrs. Duggar shared that her goal in disciplining her children with a soft and calm response is for them to realize they are being disobedient, give correction and reasoning for what they should have done, and affirm that they are being disciplined out of love.

Another aspect of the Duggar family that I have always admired is their approach to homeschooling. They have a hands-on approach to teaching their children. They value the learning that comes from real life experiences and teaching in the moment. Of course, they do have more "formal" aspects to their education that involves textbooks, computer tutorials, and organized curriculum. But the kids are encouraged to take learning into their own hands and find lessons in daily life. One of my favorite stories from their book was about their oldest son, Josh. When he was about 12 years old he earned a reward for doing something good (I can't remember if it was chores or what, but it doesn't make much difference). As a reward, he was given the option of receiving $20 or an old, rundown truck his dad had. He picked the truck. Over the years, he learned how to make repairs on the truck, worked to buy new parts, and made the truck usable again. By the time he turned 16, he had a truck to drive. I just love that! That experience then developed into him working on cars and now he owns his own used car lot. Talk about preparing a child for the future when they're young! Jim Bob and Michelle aim to prepare their children for adulthood. They encourage and focus on helping the boys work toward a career that will allow them to provide for a family. The girls are encouraged to learn skills to be wives, mothers, and helpmeets. This doesn't mean that they're stuck in the house learning to cook, do laundry, and wash dishes. They do learn those skills at a young age, but there are so many other ways they can learn helpful skills. A couple of the girls are involved in the volunteer fire and rescue service. They are studying to be midwives. They are in school for music education. Their heart is toward serving God and being wives and mothers. They aren't focused on having lucrative careers. That is something I admire greatly.

I could go on an on, but I would rather you just read the book for yourself. Again, please understand that I am not trying to idolize or put this family on a pedestal. I am sure there are many other families who live such a great example. And I even know some. I guess my point is to share that I am encouraged by this family's willingness to live a public life in service to the Lord. I feel like their testimony is inspiring to many. Sure there are doubters and critics, but isn't that what we're guaranteed as Christians? Do I think every Christian family should publicize their life? No. Honestly, I don't know that most family could do it in such an humble and honest way. I think the Duggars are able.

The bottom line is: live your life as a child of God so that others don't have reason to doubt, show the love of Christ, and go read about the Duggars.

Dream Jobs

If you ask a small child what they want to be when they grow up, you're likely to get some slightly outlandish answers. Astronaut, President, archeologist, baseball player, chef....these are all typical answers. I can only remember four things I said I wanted to be when I grew up: doctor (pediatrician), teacher, wife, and mother. Now, my Mom might remember other aspirations from when I was younger, but these are the only four answers I can remember giving to the favorite question. I held onto the dream of being a pediatrician until I was in middle school when I learned just how much schooling was required. I  knew that my main goal was to be a mother and going to school for a gazillion years and working ridiculous hours wouldn't work so well with raising a posse of little tykes. So I switched to wanting to be a teacher. Specifically, I wanted to be a special education teacher. Growing up, I had a very good friend with cerebral palsy. I loved to play with her and help her in school. I wasn't interested in doing my own work because I wanted to help Brooke first. I loved doing hand-over-hand to help her with her assignments. I thought her switchboard was the coolest thing to help her make choices and answer questions. Then my cousin was diagnosed with autism when I was in middle school. Even though we didn't live close, I enjoyed spending summers with my grandparents and helping with his therapy. In high school, I read an article in our local paper about a young family who had recently moved to the area. Their daughter has cerebral palsy and they were looking for volunteers to help with therapy in their home. I was excited to get to know this family and help with her therapy. From the first time I met her, she reminded me of Brooke. Her parents were also homeschooling her and I was able to help with some of her schooling. These three experiences combined led me to the desire to be a special education teacher.

Now, at the age of 25, I have been able to experience two of my dreams. In 2008, I was blessed to become a wife to a wonderful man. Being a wife has been the greatest joy and blessing. I know I don't always do my job well, but the Lord is merciful and my husband is patient. In 2009, I was blessed to teach for one year in a great school with an amazing group of kids. That year changed my life in many ways and helped prepare me for where I am today. There are days when I long to get back into teaching, but mainly just to teach that same class again. I know this isn't possible and life moves on, but I still think about my students every single day.

Being a pediatrician is no longer a dream of mine, but being a mother still is. We hope and pray the Lord would bless us in that way. Until then, I enjoy making a list of "dream jobs" I would like to have. Most of these I would like to experience for just one day, but others are a little more serious. Here's my current list:

• Small business owner -own a craft, vintage, home decor type business
• Author - I've often considered writing about dating, caregiving, the challenges of being a young Christian in such a worldly society
• Photographer
• Clothing Designer - specifically modest clothing for women and young girls
• Chef/Caterer
• Doula
• Operate a Christian pregnancy care center
• Bat girl for the St. Louis Cardinals :)

What are some of your "dream jobs?"

Book Review - "Pushed" and a rant about childbirth

***Disclaimer: This post is in no way making an announcement or hinting at anything. It's just simply me sharing my thoughts and opinions with you. When I become interested in something, I enjoy reading and learning as much as I can on the topic. So, the only announcement I have to make is that I hope and pray this information will be useful to me at some point in the near future. :)

Ironing is a task that can be dreadful, but also enjoyable. The only reason I enjoy it is because it gives me a good excuse to watch TV for 2 or 3 hours straight. A few weeks ago, I had a major mound of ironing needing my attention. There wasn't anything interesting on TV at the time, so I turned to Netflix. I found the documentary, The Business of Being Born, and selected it for my ironing entertainment. I was thoroughly fascinated! The documentary was produced by Ricki Lake. I was surprised to find out she is very much an advocate for natural birth. The documentary looks at modern maternity care; the pros and cons of hospital births, natural births, birthing centers, and home births. It is a bit graphic at points, but incredibly interesting.

Natural birth has always been fascinating to me and I am a big advocate. After watching this documentary, I was even more interested in learning about modern maternity care and strengthening my personal argument for natural birth. I was at the library picking up Inconceivable when I noticed another book next to it on the shelf. Pushed: The Painful Truth about Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care grabbed my attention. At first glance inside the book, I was a little intimidated. I noticed a lot of numbers and statistics. However, once I got started, it was hard to put down. (I know I'm odd for enjoying a book about childbirth when there's not even a hint of necessity. But, that's how I roll).

I enjoyed reading about the history of childbirth and maternity care. It is amazing to think that women were once put into a "twilight sleep" to birth their babies or restrained at the wrists and ankles during labor. Can you imagine!?!?! The author, Jennifer Block, did a great job writing about the progression of intervention used in hospitals and the varying practices doctors use in maternity care.

The author focused a lot on the sad truth that most women are not given many options when considering childbirth. Today's norm is for a woman to go to a hospital, be given Pitocin if labor is progressing as the doctor would like, get an epidural to deal with the pain, be hooked up to all kinds of machines, stay on her back for the duration of labor and delivery. And if all that doesn't flow just as the doctor would like, she is wheeled in for a cesarean section. A woman is often looked strangely or questioned if she expresses interest in anything but this plan. Natural childbirth is often frowned upon, let alone using a midwife in a birthing center. The real kicker is if a woman wants to give birth at home! How dare she!

Now, I'm not here to pass judgement or put other women down. If a woman wants to have an epidural or even schedule a c-section, then go for it! Just don't judge me if I want to do it differently. It boggles my mind to think that it has become so controversial for a woman to want to give birth the way women have for hundreds of years! Why is something "natural" frowned upon? In my opinion, the answer can be summed up in two words: money and liability. Doctors and hospitals are in business and they're scared of being sued. I don't blame them, but that doesn't mean it's right.

I am a supporter of midwives, birthing centers, and home births. I'm not ashamed to say it. One statistic the author gave in Pushed was especially interesting to me. There are only 175 independent birthing centers in all of the United States. In 12 states, there are no birthing centers at all. In 11 states, midwifery is illegal. (Pushed, p. 179) This information is astounding to me. I'm thankful to live in a state where there are still a few birthing centers and even more thankful there is one close to us!

Women should be able to have a choice in how they want to labor and where and how they want to deliver their baby. If a woman wants to schedule a c-section, then she should have that right. But, why is it considered acceptable (and sometimes encouraged) for a woman to schedule a c-section, but not acceptable for a woman to have her baby at home? If a woman can choose to take birth control, kill her baby by abortion, or be cut open to remove her baby, then she should have the right to choose to have a baby at home. Unfortunately, most of society doesn't agree. Did you know that there have been instances where women who have had home births were turned in to social services? That is absolutely ridiculous! There have also been instances where doctors felt that a woman was putting her baby in danger by choosing to have a home birth or refusing a c-section (when the baby was showing NO signs of distress) and the doctors performed a court-ordered cesarean. A court-ordered cesarean! The thought makes my stomach turn!
I understand that the two examples I just gave are extremes, but they are still happening. Such tragedy has occurred within the past 15 years.

I understand that are circumstances that make it difficult or even impossible for a woman to give birth naturally. C-sections are necessary in certain situations. However, I strongly believe that most of the c-sections performed are done so unnecessarily or could be prevented. I'm not going to tell anyone what they can or can't do. I just encourage women to educate themselves and know their facts. Reading this book gave me a lot of insight as to questions I need to ask when I am seeking an obstetrician or midwife. I am thankful for the knowledge I gained. I am thankful women like Jennifer Block are willing to do their research and confront issues such as this.

Since reading this book, I have come across a few websites that have been especially interesting and speak to this issue. Childbirth Connection is a site mentioned several times in Pushed. It contains a wealth of information regarding maternity care and childbirth. Several of the statistics and studies referenced in Pushed can be found on this site.

One last piece of information and I'll get off my soapbox. There was a study published in 2005 by Johnson and Daviss titled "Outcomes of Planned Home Births." The study looked at 5000 planned home births attended by CPW (certified professional midwives). 95% of the women gave birth vaginally and all of the babies were born healthy. (Pushed, p. 264) That says a lot for the support of midwives, natural birth, and home births.

Bradley's Journey

I wanted to share with you a remarkable story of God's power and mercy. Bradley Thomas was born February 7, 2011 at just 23 weeks and 4 days. Weighing only 1 pound 9 oz and 12 1/2 inches long, he has fought for his life. Little Bradley faced months of infections, tests, procedures, therapy, and setbacks. More importantly, by the grace of God, Bradley achieved milestones.

Bradley's arm with his parents' wedding rings. 3 days old.

Bradley Thomas. 13 days old. 1 lb. 14 oz.

Bradley's mom, Corinne, is a childhood friend of mine. I have been blessed to get to know her on a deeper level through Facebook the past few years. At just 23 weeks into her pregnancy, Corinne started having contractions which could not be stopped. The doctors gave her the choice to deliver her baby via c-section, which would most likely prevent her from having any future pregnancies, or to deliver naturally. The risks involved with delivering naturally were the baby could come out feet first, its head could get stuck if it came out feet first, or its umbilical cord could be wrapped around his neck and possibly losing the baby. Corinne writes about that moment, saying: "I asked if I could pray and think about it and while doing do I realized that God already had His plan for Bradley and that if it was in God’s will for Bradley to survive then Bradley was going to survive any way that he was delivered. Against the doctor wishes I delivered Bradley naturally and guess what… he came out feet first, his head did get stuck and the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice. I knew that if God’s plan was for us to lose our baby (at this time we still didn’t know if he was a boy or girl), that our baby was going to be in Heaven with Him. I didn’t want to try to go against God’s will and have a c-section because it’s “safer” and hope that the baby would survived."

5 weeks old. 2 lbs.

Following this family through their journey with Bradley has been inspiring to me. Corinne and her husband, Robert, have shown tremendous trust in the Lord with their son's life. They know Bradley is a beautiful gift from God with his own testimony to share. In all of her updates on Bradley, Corinne gives the glory to God for each of Bradley's accomplishments and seeks for God's will when he is struggling. It is especially touching to me to hear experiences of nurses or other parents asking Corinne and Robert how they can stay so positive when dealing with everything going on with Bradley. They are quick to answer that it's by the grace of God and they just trust in Him.

Bradley with his momma and big sister, Libby. 4 months old.

Almost 4 months old.

In one of her updates about Bradley, Corinne wrote:

"In the past 6 months I have had several people ask me, “How do you do it?” or “I couldn’t do it if I were you.” My answer has been “It’s just my life, so I just do it.” The truth is that I do it with the help of God. Bradley Thomas is God’s child and He has blessed me with him. God has trusted me to take care of his children and in this situation; God has trusted me to take care of his sick child. Having Bradley has done nothing but brought me closer to God. I may miss a few church services because I’m visit with Bradley but while I’m at the hospital I am able to read my Bible, talk to people about God, and lift up His Holy Name. This whole situation has also brought some strain to the rest of my family but we are able to pray and talk things out and just take it day-by-day and week by week.

People have also asked me “Why does Bradley keep getting sick if you believe in God so much and if everyone has been praying for him so much?” I don’t fully know the answer to this but I believe that it is so that we can learn to lean even more on God and trust that He is a just God and has a plan. I have faith that this is all in God’s plan and that this is not a punishment for something that we did wrong in the past but it is a gift to help heighten our faith in him for the future."

Bradley stayed in the NICU for several months before being transferred to a trasitional unit. Today, Bradley and his family will celebrate his 1st birthday by bringing him home to his parents, big sister, and big brother. The first year of little Bradley's life has been full of trials, joys, and growth. Bradley still has a long road ahead of him. We know that it is of the Lord's mercies we are not consumed. We have confidence that the Lord who has worked miracles in the first year of Bradley's life has the power to continue working in his life in a mighty way. Be praying for this sweet family as they transition to caring for Bradley at home. Pray for them as they have months and years of decisions, treatments, and therapies. Pray for the Bradley to continue to grow stronger and healthier with each new day. Pray for strength and grace for his parents. Pray for his sister and brother as they face the transition of having their baby brother home. Pray for the Lord to continue to be magnified through the life of this precious gift!

Bradley Thomas. 11 months, 23 days.

Bradley at home in his bed on his 1st birthday!

2Corinthians 12:9-"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Book Review - "Grace for the Good Girl"

I had read about this book on several Christian blogs I stalk and was excited to add it to my list for this year. To be honest, I am completely enamored with book covers. I love the art of a beautiful book cover. If the cover captures my attention and the title sounds interesting, I will usually read it. I don't like to read the little summaries on the back of books, or read very much detail about the book. I like the suspense and mystery hidden inside the pages.

This is the description from Amazon:
"Many of us believe that we are saved by grace--but for too many, that's the last time grace defines our life. Instead of clinging to grace, we strive for good and believe that the Christian life means hard work and a sweet disposition. As good girls, we focus on the things we can handle, our disciplined lives, and our unshakable good moods. When we fail to measure up to our own impossible standards, we hide behind our good girl masks, determined to keep our weakness a secret.

In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman invites women to let go of the try-hard life and realize that in Christ we are free to receive from him rather than constantly try to achieve for him. With an open hand and a whimsical style, Emily uncovers the truth about the hiding, encouraging women to move from hiding behind girl-made masks and do-good performances to a life hidden with Christ in God."
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Even though I was quick to add "Grace for the Good Girl" to my reading list, I was a little apprehensive. I don't like typical self-help books or books that give you a list of 10 steps to fix a problem, most of those steps eluding to "finding the power within you." Blah blah blah. This book was nothing like that. It addressed a real issue many women (and I'm sure some men) face day to day and turn to the Bible for the solution to deal with the issue.

Without giving too much of the book away, I will give my brief summary. The author, Emily Freeman, addresses the issue of living life with masks on. Masks of strength, responsibility, happiness used to hide the true emotions brought on by the events of life. It is alright and natural to have emotions and reactions to life. Freeman gives encouragement to choose if we are going to deal with those emotions by putting on masks or trust God and let His peace rule in our hearts. We are not to let ourselves sin with our emotions, but find the balance in acknowledging them and relying on God's peace to properly handle them.

This book was extremely easy to read. Freeman has a beautiful way with words. She turned to Scripture constantly and was able to describe God's Word in a way that was real and applicable to me. Granted, not every explanation and use of the Word was accurate and true, but most was.

As I was reading, I wrote down several passages which spoke to me in a powerful way. I want to share a few with you.

"If what I do is done in complete dependence upon the Father, then it doesn't matter what that thing is, rather who the one is doing that thing. Is it me? Or is it him? Colossians says that by faith, it is beautifully and mysteriously both. (Col. 1:29) Who am I to decide what is extraordinary? The Father has already decided. He says he himself is extraordinary. So anything I do as I depend on and partner with the Extraordinary One, I suppose that is extraordinary too." - Grace for the Good Girl, p. 61

"Quiet time is no longer something I do. Rather, it is a description of what happens when I am with God. Time can be a loud, chaotic, rushing-around companion. But as I sit in the presence of God, he quiets my time. No that I know what the truth is, I long to allow space for my soul and spirit to begin to believe it." - Grace for the Good Girl, p. 149

"When my patience is gone, he offers to be patience for me. When my strength is spent, he becomes strength in me. When my faith is small, he believes on my behalf. Every time." - Grace for the Good Girl, p. 215

2012 Goals

And now I will share my goals for 2012.

• Read through the entire Bible in chronological order. A sweet sister in the church shared this website (Read the Bible in One Year) with me. It allows you to select whether you want to read the Bible through from the beginning, in chronological order, historical order, or passages from the Old and New Testament each day. I'm really excited to read through the Old Testament in chronological order.

• Learn to quilt. I'm going to have a new niece or nephew in June, as well as an adopted niece or nephew (my best friend's first baby!) in June. I hope to make a quilt for both of them.

• Run at least 25 miles a month, for a total of 300 miles for the year.
  

• Read 50 books. I have a list of books that I didn't get to last year, plus a new long list. I'm sure there will be others added to it as the year goes on!

• Try one new recipe a week and post a review. This isn't really difficult for me, because I love trying new recipes. Posting the review might be more of a challenge!

• Take one picture each day. I'm already behind on this, because I didn't decide to make this a goal until a few days ago. But, I'll give myself some grace and take a few extras to make up!

• Learn more about blog design. I want to learn to make my blog more personalized and attractive my lovely readers. I'm a little tired of the cookie-cutter templates and functions.
  

• Send one handwritten note each week. This is a repeat from last year, but something I still want to work on becoming more of a habit.

Here's to a year full of learning, growth, and fun!